My theme for this summer is frustration

I'm not sure when it started but lately I haven't liked myself very much. And coming from me I know this is weird and not right. I've always liked myself. Yes, I've always been proud of myself. In a weird way I've become the very kind of person I use to look down upon.

I'm frustrated with my relationship with Tim. I want to call it quits and give up. Sometimes I don't know what I'm fighting for - he drives me up a wall so often. My patience with him is wearing thin and frankly speaking I know that overall I will be okay without him. Yes, I will hurt and be lonely at times. Perhaps I will cry my eyes out and my heart will literally ache. But in the end I will have God and He will guide me through. He will make things okay, I know it. He will show me delights in life that I have yet to experience. But how do you just give up like that? That's crazy. I can't imagine just throwing the blanket in simply because. I'm stuck. I want time away from him I want my own breathing space and yet I'm such a coward. I don't dare to push him away while we have the opportunity to actually be together. I fear regret and I fear a life without him. When did I become one of these pathetic girls? What is happening to me?

How do I determine whether or not I want to be in a relationship with him? How do I determine if this is the path that God wants me to be on?

Self awareness has dawn upon me and I understand now that I am too sensitive, about everything. I want to tell my friends what I am feeling but I have an image in my head, an image where they will merely chalk it up to me being annoying. What a horrible image.

I don't want to grow up. I'm frustrated with the sense of responsibility it brings. I don't want to have to care for everyone's feelings, to have to thread carefully all the time. This goes back to being too sensitive too. I don't know when it's okay to disappoint someone. I use to think that the world was an easy place to be in, but these few weeks have been so stressful and displeasing. I don't like it.