God answered my prayer

I thought a lot about what my heart desired and the difference between desire, greed and fear. I was unable to come to any conclusion and that's when I prayed to God. I prayed for his peace.

Philippians 4:7 "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

Last night before I slept I felt a sense of urgency, a desperate need to talk to Tim. Our talk cleared up the air and it opened my eyes to the mystery which is my emotions. It dawned upon me that I have not been feeling like an integral part of Tim's life because the level at which we have been bonding simply has been inadequate. Tim raised the point that I do not question him about the specifics in his life. I know this to be true, but the reason for my lack of questions is simply because I always naturally assumed that he would share such facts voluntarily. Once again, I am reminded that we are not made the same. God designed us uniquely; he knitted us differently in our mothers' wombs!

Late afternoon today Tim called me and we had an extensive talk. It was sensational. I felt warmth and love oozing out from him. He disclosed the details of his night and I listened attentively.

These incidents have me thinking about something I learnt in Psychology class: the more details you share with another person, the closer you will feel to that person. And I do believe, that's exactly what happened!

My lighthouse

In my wrestling and in my thoughts
In my failures you won't walk out
Your great love will lead me through
You are the peace in my troubled sea

In the silence you won't let go
In the questions your truth will hold
Your great love will lead me through
You are the peace in my troubled sea

My lighthouse
My lighthouse
Shining in the darkness
I will follow you

My lighthouse
My lighthouse
I will trust the promise
You will carry me safe to shore

I won't fear what tomorrow brings
With each morning I'll rise and see
My God's love will lead me through
You are the peace in my troubled sea

You are my light.

My lighthouse
My lighthouse
Shining in the darkness
I will follow you

My lighthouse
My lighthouse
I will trust the promise
You will carry me safe to shore




I need someone to carry me back to shore. To shed light on what is right and what is good. The truth. I am struggling with going back to Beijing tomorrow. I am confident I will be okay and my life will be exciting - it will be buzzing with activities and I will be caught up in the moments of spontaneity. But, I would like more. It is demanding of me, I realise, yet I cannot help but wish that things were more concrete. There are unanswered questions dancing about in my mind.

If I keep my eyes on God and see things through his lenses, should things then not automatically fall into place ? It's hard. It's frighteningly challenging.

I shouldn't have stopped blogging

I don't remember the exact date I stopped, or the reason why. I suspect that there might not be a reason at all; I simply forgot. Blogging has been on my mind of late, and skimming through my previous posts left me in awe. I poured my heart out. It's all there, for me to recall my emotions and inner most thoughts. It gives me a sense of purpose, deceives me into thinking that perhaps my life is happening for a specific meaning.

Grandfather had his stroke in July. 24th July. It was scary and frightening and it took my breathe away. I've been back to Singapore three times since then and watching his improvement, especially this third time, has been so humbling. I've watched the process, him going from unconscious and somewhat conscious, to now where he can sit up mostly on his own and communicate through simple means. I'm astonished. The first time I saw him sit up, I was brought to tears. I was so moved. I thank God for His healing hand, His work in my grandfather.

It also makes me think though, why? Why did God create stroke? Why does a patient take so long to recover after having a stroke? Is it because God has something planned for the family members attending to the patient? Could it be related to the fact that my aunts and their families are not yet believers? Or perhaps that there is no true "peace" in this family?

My mom has grown wonders during this period and proved to be such a strong woman. I am so proud of her, so proud to call my mama. She demonstrates her beauty and love for Christ in her everyday life, by serving her family with her time and energy. I want to strive to be more like her. The verse below describes her exactly.

Proverbs 31:29
Many woman do noble things, but you surpass them all.