Where is the Christmas warmth?

The past two days have been tough. I came back to Beijing on the 20th, after having spent a week in Shanghai with Tim. It's not the separation from Tim that has been feeling so bummed. It's the fact that Christmas is right around the corner and I don't feel the warmth & joy that Christmas is supposed to bring....

Yesterday during our neurology rotation, we were brought to a medical room where there were 5 patients, all of whom were suffering from various degrees of brain haemorrhage. It was tough. They reminded me of gong gong, especially of the time that he spent in the hospital. It was the persistent cough that seemed to be uncontrollable, it was the feeding tubes that went in through their nose. It was the huge amount of phlegm in their mouths, it was the pillow placed on the side of their movement-less body. It was tough.

To aggravate certain pathological signs on the old lady that we were carrying on the medical checkup on, our teacher repeatedly aggravated the patient. It was so painful to watch and I had to step out for a moment to let loose a few tears. It was tough.

I don't know if I'm being overly sensitive, but I also feel ghosted by my two good friends. (Side note: are they my good friends? What does it say about our relationship when after university is over I don't think I'll miss them all them much?) It's almost a "what goes around comes around" situation. On one hand I am unable to join them, but on the other hand they did not attempt to invite me. I know my joy comes from God, and I know the quality of my life is entirely dependent on God. It does not matter what others say or do, but it does hurt because I don't know what I did wrong, or what went wrong where.

I wish I had good Christian sisters here in Beijing. I wish Ling Han and Kristi were still around. I wish I didn't always have to say goodbye to people in Beijing. I wish I had people who understood the true meaning of Christmas around, to celebrate Christmas with me.

Lord, in the meantime, would you please fill the hole in my heart?

It's time

when you start to feel
like you're missing out on life,
remember beautiful things happen
when God says "it's time"


- Morgan Harper Nichols

Sleep is important

To the Person Who Has a Lot of Friends But Doesn't Belong Anywhere

You are blessed and you are loved by many. So please ignore those negative thoughts that tell you otherwise.

You’re a friendly person, a social butterfly, making friends wherever you are, wherever you go. You touch many hearts with your fun personality and caring demeanour.

However, I understand because there are days when you feel like there is no one to hang out with. All your friends are busy hanging out with someone else or you check your social media and see that all your friends are in their respective groups hanging out and having fun. You question why it’s hard for you to belong anywhere.

But I just want to let you know that you’re important. You’re not overlooked. You’re not forgotten. You are truly loved despite what your inner thoughts are saying in your head. You may not belong to a certain group of friends. But the fact that you are welcomed to so many groups says so much about your personality.

The fact that you have so many friends means that you have many whom you can rely on and who can rely on you.

You’re not the only person who feels this way. In fact, I know this feeling of loneliness. I also feel self-doubt in my ability to have friends and keep them. I, too, question why I can’t have one group of friends that I can constantly rely on.

But I realize now that it’s silly for me and you to feel this way. It’s not about belonging. It’s about doing. It’s about being there for others even if they aren’t there for you. It’s about giving love as much as your heart can allow. It’s not about being special, but making others feel special.

Stop looking for a place to belong. You’re not the type of person that belongs to one group. You’re meant to bring happiness to so many more. Cheers to you who doesn’t belong in one place. You’re a friend that everyone loves, and that should be more than enough to make you realize that you belong in a special place in their hearts.







Taken from: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/to-the-person-who-has-lot-of-friends-but-doesnt-belong-anywhere

God sustains her

Not everyone believes in her
and not everyone supports her,
but her God goes with her, and
that's what sustains her.

- Morgan Harper Nichols

There is more to you than yesterday

when you start to feel
like things should have
been better this year,
remember the mountains and valleys
that you got here.
they are not accidents
and those moments weren't in vain.
you are no the same
you have grown and you are growing
you are breathing, you are living.
you are wrapped in
endless
boundless
grace.
and things will get better.
there is more to you than yesterday.

- morgan harper nichols

Being human

I    R E A L I Z E D
T H E R E   I S   N O   S H A M E   I N   B E I N G   H O N E S T
T H E R E   I S   N O   S H A M E   I N   B E I N G   V U L N E R A B L E
I T ' S   T H E   B E A U T Y  
                                  O F   B E I N G   H U M A N

Do what you love

You've got to find what you love; and that is as true for work as it is for your lovers
Your work is going to fill a large part of your life
And the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work
And the only only way to do great work is to love what you do

If you haven't found it yet, keep looking and don't stop