Last night Tim came back from beer pong and ranted for nearly an hour at me. He made me realize how selfish I am, how selfish I can be. He gives and gives in our relationship while I do not. I wonder when this started happening. I wonder when I stopped being the person I liked.
I realize that I do not want to break up with him. I do not want him out of my life. His rantings made me see that if I were to let him go, I would be a sad woman. He went out of the way to call me, to whatsapp me, to look for me when he got home. And I did not even have the decency to reciprocate his love by showing him kindness and patience. Why was I even angry in the first place? I don't know. I can't bring myself to read what I typed last night because it is ugly and untrue. I love this boy with all my heart, and the thought of leaving him always makes my heart ache. While I do believe that God will provide for me if we do break up, it's not something I want to happen.
In the midst of his rantings he asked me why I was trying to sabotage the relationship. Am I doing that? Why am I doing that?
I need to learn how to be unselfish. I need to learn to be like Tim and love like Tim. I need to give my 100% to this relationship.
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